My honest opinion of Culture Club

"Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?" was a great, great soulful single.

Everything else by them was either average or below average. (Yes, I don't rate "Karma Chameleon" as a good or great song)

The novelty of a cross dressing lead singer kept them on MTV more than the quality of their music.

10 Great Things That Rick James Did

1. Super Freak
2. Give It To Me Baby
3. wrote and produced "In My House" by the Mary Jane Girls
4. coke
5. wrote and produced Eddie Murphy's "Party All The Time"
6. more coke
7. played with Neil Young
8. 17
9. even more coke
10. dated Linda Blair

Matt Drudge, weather partisan?

The man is jacking off in his headlines about the snowstorm, because he is so thrilled about making those evil left-y commie green fools look stupid with their talk of climate change.

That is, when he is not jacking off all over the belly of Obama as a lousy president headlines.

His obsession with Obama started last year, even when things were clearly historic and seemed good (during the campaign), so he's consistant if nothing else.

And he is seemingly nothing else.

GREAT SONGS- "I'll BE YOU" by The Replacements

For anyone who actually heard their music, The Replacements were the greatest rock n' roll band of the 80s: self-destructive, more talented than they realized, led by the greatest songwriter/lyricist the rock world had ever seen.

The stories of their self-sabotage while the folks at Warner Brothers tried to do what they could to market them as "the next big thing" are the stuff of legend.

For some reason, when it came to "I'll be You", the band got down to business of trying to become superstars.

The song is as an obvious attempt at a breakthrough hit as a sloppy punk rooted band ever recorded. (It worked to a degree...the song hit #1 on Billboard's Rock Radio chart, and hit the top 50 of Billboard's Hot 100).

The production cliches of the era abound on the intro: Gene Loves Jezebel-like guitar chiming, big drum sound, etc.

At it's heart: "I'll Be You" is a perfect little rock song with a memorable hook.

But since it's lyrics are written by Paul Westerberg, it's not your standard "I like chicks and cars" bullshit.

Great Westerberg lyrics have a way of not registering until the 10th listen or so, which is part of the fun: "I'm dressing sharp and feeling dull", "a dream too tired to come true, left a rebel without a clue".

Westerberg's singing may have been too Westerbergian to have broken the Mats to Nirvana-like levels of success back in '89, but at least this time, he and his bandmates was actually aiming for the bigger things that a band of their magnitude deserved. (They even made a normal video!)

Taken out of it's context, it fits perfectly in the pantheon of great rock songs, of which, there are about 25 other Replacement songs which rank even higher and are more meangingful. But this one was their final stab at the heart of America. Americans just weren't ready for them. That's our loss.

GREAT SONGS- "REACH OUT I'LL BE THERE" by The Four Tops (1966)

The hitsmakers at Motown knew exactly how to produce the most captivating, yet completely original singles of the 60s.

The first 15 seconds of this one are a perfect case in point: a creepy flute plays a melody, a horse trotting rhythmic clickity-clack kicks in, and the listener is instantly both hooked in and wonderng "what the hell is this??"

The song completely shifts gears at this point, as Levi Stubbs' lead vocal on the verses takes a prominent place way up front and center in the mix (the other, err, Three Tops can be heard echoing Levi, but in a much more understated way).

Levi commands attention, singing like he hasn't defecated in weeks and/or is ready to spontaneously combust if he doesn't project this with all of the gusto he possibly can muster. It's one of rock's greatest vocals.

He appeals to a woman who may be suffering from some kind of pain and struggle, verging on suicidal: "Now if you feel that you can't go on/because all of your hope is gone/and your life is filled with much confusion/and happiness is just an illusion"

At this point, the other Tops take charge. They harmonize on the pre-chorus "Reach out!" While Levi extols the woman to reach out to him.

The orgasmic, reassuring chorus-to-end-all-choruses resurrects the flutes from the intro, as the Tops offer love as comfort/psychotherapy.

This song itself is better than Prozac and will continue to comfort listeners for ages.

Levi's lead vocal is an absolute marvel of intensity.

"Just look over your shoulder!" A young Motown artist would infamously use this same improv a few years later on another classic...but that's for another day...

GREAT SONGS: "JUST LIKE HEAVEN" by The Cure (1987)

This is, without any question in my mind, THE very best song to come out in the decade of the 1980s.

It comes from a band who effortlessly produced many classic singles throughout the decade: but this one was the cream of the crop.

The recording itself is something to marvel:

Things get started with a big drum roll and big 80s sounding drum beat, while a bass, then guitar play along for a measure...then a lead guitar, then more and more instruments are added (acoustic guitar, synths, another lead guitar, piano) for a 49 seconds instrumental introduction that is already as perfect as it gets.

When Robert Smith gets to singing, his odd voice is immediately recognizable, but something is slightly different: he sings as if he is ecstatic, which takes the whine out of his voice, giving it a "coolest rock and roller on the planet" vibe that never lets up throughout his entire lead vocal.

After the second verse/first chorus, a piano plucks out the melody line, and in that 20 some seconds, the song soars even higher.

We come back for one last verse and chorus, and the whole thing ends way too quickly in 3 and a half minutes. Anymore, and it might have been overkill.

The lyrics? Well, it's some sort of dreamlike loving ode to his wife that I don't completely understand or consider essential to the understanding or the love of the song. Phrases like "Spinning on that dizzy edge/I kissed her face and kissed her head" emerge and tell you all that you need to know: This guy's in total love. (As if the music doesn't already tell us this: if you love someone, write andd produce the perfect song for them.) The last verse, which somberly makes it sound like Smith's love was all a dream/memory, kind of ends things on a confused, slightly more Cure-ish note of melancholy.

An arrangement for the ages, a fantastic songwriter at his peak, a band sounding simlutaneously accessibly pop and alternatively cool as hell, and a love song to fall in love with/to.

Immortal.

GREAT SINGLES- "(WHITE MAN) IN HAMMERSMITH PALAIS" by The Clash (1978)

Over an improbably perfect rock/reggae musical hybrid, Joe Strummer covers a ton of intellectual ground in 4 minutes. The simple way to see this song is about a guy who went to a concert and was disappointed, because the concert kind of sucked.

But the reasons why he didn't like it, and the conclusions that he reaches through his frustrated soul searching are the kind of thing you rarely get in pop music. (Lyrics in italics, analysis in bold following "~~")


Midnight to Six Man
For the first time from Jamaica
Dillinger and Leroy Smart
Delroy Wilson, your cool operator

Ken Boothe for UK Pop Brigade
With backing bands, sound systems
And if they got anything to say, we've got many black ears here to listen

~~An authentically Jamaican Reggae Revue has come to England, leaving Joe thrilled, not as much for the music, but for the idea that these Jamaican rebels are going to get the predominantly black audience worked up to start some sort of revolution, a revolution that Joe, angry disaffected lefty white youth, wants desperately to be a part of.

but it was Four Tops all night
with encores from stage right
Charging from the bass knives to the treble
But onstage they ain't got no roots rock rebel
Onstage they ain't got no...roots rock rebel
Dress back jump back this is a bluebeat attack

~~Joe's hopes are dashed when the show turns out to be a straight up concert...no music lifting up the masses to fight the power or anything that he was hoping for: just standard good ol' entertainment.

For the next verse, Joe completely regroups, and faces the impractical reality of his youth revolution fantasy :

'Cos it won't get you anywhere
Fooling with your guns
The British Army is waiting out there
An' it weighs fifteen hundred tons

White youth, black youth
Better find another solution
Why not phone up Robin Hood
And ask him for some wealth distribution

~~After the exciting fantasy of a musicly led uprising was squashed, Joe is left to sadly think that maybe the only thing that could actual change the huge gap in social classes in the U.K. is Robin Hood, another fantastical idea. (Or better yet, find an actual logical solution, not based in Roots Rock Rebellion)

After throwing the Robin Hood reference out as an aside, we get a musical break in the form of a harmonica "solo", where Joe is either quietly regathering his thoughts, regrouping, downing another pint as the show goes on and stewing, or giving up completely.

When he comes back for the next verse, he directs his criticism directly at the very movement that he helped launch: the punk rock movement. Joe blames them for their apathy and avarice at a time when he's ready to take on the establishment:

Punk rockers in the UK
They won't notice anyway
They're all too busy fighting
For a good place under the lighting

The new groups are not concerned
With what there is to be learned
They got Burton suits, ha you think it's funny
Turning rebellion into money

~~In the next verse, Joe takes on humanity as a whole, in a way that resonates even more deeply in today's shallow, reality TV-based celebrity obsessed world of style over substance, where someone like Sarah Palin is legitimately seen as a potential political leader, and where elections are bought and paid for more often than we want to think about:

All over people changing their votes
Along with their overcoats
If Adolf Hitler flew in today
They'd send a limousine anyway

~~Pissed off, world conscious, world weary Joe Strummer turns his venom inward for the conclusion, where he casts himself as a wasted scared youth, who, in the face of violence from some of the black patrons at the show, begs with them to not hurt him, because he's simply there to have a good time (which we all know is bullshit now, but this leaves us wondering if Joe's frustration actually came from not being accepted by the very people who he wanted to fight alongside of in the first place):

I'm the all night drug-prowling wolf
Who looks so sick in the sun
I'm the white man in the Palais
Just lookin' for fun

I'm only
Looking for fun

Oh Please Mister, just leave me alone

I'm only looking for fun

~~All of this takes place in the space of 4 minutes. I went 20 plus years hearing the song, loving it sonically, but never really exploring what the lyrics were all about.

They are pure poetry, pure brutally honest brilliance.

Listen to the song, enjoy the groove, enjoy the girl group-y "oooh"s that Mick Jones provides throughout, and enjoy one of the great songs of all time.

A staggering piece of work about a seemingly mundane topic, which jettisons into social commentary, paranoia, frustration, rage, loneliness, life.

I love this game

1. Jalen Rose has this remarkable ability to make every word he utters, even in spontaneous on air conversations, sound like the fumblings of someone struggling to read a teleprompter.

2. Hubie Brown is a great color commentator, but I want him to always be teamed up with Dick Stockton, just so he utters things like this "He's taking it to the basket hard, Dick". (hard dick? See? I'm a 7 year old)

Also, was Hubie Brown in a fire at some point? He always looks like he's down to his last layer of epidermis.

power outage sending me home an hour early today

So, there I am, sitting at my desk, contemplating suicide, when KABOOM, the power goes out.

I go out to the hallway, and some other people are sticking their heads out to see whats what and what we do..."Girl With Best Personality Ever" is laughing and joking about it, because she actually has the Best Personality Ever. I don't say that to cover up her looks, because she is pretty smoking hot, but she has a charisma that causes anyone in our building who gets to talk to her to have a better day. I don't know her name, and don't want to, because I think she knows people that I know, and it's more fun to just keep her on the personality pedestal.

Back to my story.

Women are freaking out even more than "the autistic boy who makes random airplane/hawk/ barking noises", who is here for one of his twice a week visits on the other side of my wall. He seems calm all of the sudden, and doesn't even let out one of his "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH"s, which he usually emits about 5 per minute.

All of the sudden, a woman with a dog walks in (there are no vets in our building) and informs us that she saw sparks flying from some power grid. Yes, she was walking her dog, saw an explosion, and decided to calmly WALK INTO THE BUILDING WHERE THE EXPLOSION HAPPENED WITH HER DOG.

A back up power source kicked on partial power, and then the rumor spread that ALL POWER WOULD BE SHUT OFF IN 10 MINUTES, so everyone just left.

So I'm home writing. Feeling much better now.

Carrie Underwood Christmas Special- Live Blogging

Carrie talks to her dog in a phone sex voice. It is good

Like Santa, I'd like to come down Carrie's chimney and leave her presents

the acting on this special < testicular cancer

Holy crap, she's now singing a song for her mom, and the backing music is IDENTICAL to "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic".

I can't watch this anymore

I liked this when it was done by the Mandrell sisters in '81.

Carrie is so friggin' wholesome, it feels wrong typing the word "wholesome" to describe her, because it has "holes" in it

She's dueting with "Precious"?

a Johnny Depp impersonator! Who wrote this shit?

Christina Applegate...oops, cancer joke not so funny now

The next woman under the age of 40 to use the word "amazing" must be silenced

Adam RichmanThe next woman under the age of 40 to use the word "amazing" must be silenced

I've heard "amazing" 4 times in one (bad) sketch

Applegate, Underwood, and some other girl are doing a girl group medley which might be the best thing to happen to America's collective penis since before Vietnam.

(Ok, ok, I'm exaggerating. But it's ok.)

52 ANNUAL GRAMMY AWARDS Nominees and Analysis pt. 2

Field 1- Pop

Best Female Pop Performance:

Adele- "Hometown Glory"

Beyonce- "Halo"

Katy Perry- "Hot N Cold"

Pink- "Sober"

Taylor Swift- "You Belong to Me"

Call John Kerry, because we're going for a ride on the Swift-boat again...

Let's talk about Katy Perry for a second. Many young women in our age range go through a stage where, in an effort to draw male attention to them, they will make out with other females so that brainless jocks can stare and hi-five and plan their Sigma Tau rape train, etc...These women aren't actually lesbians, and once they grow out of the phase, it is never thought of or spoken of again. Katy Perry has rather pathetically built her entire pop career on faux-lesbianism. I don't have a point or larger comment about society, I'm just reporting the facts. I get her confused with Lily Allen sometimes, except Lily Allen is British, funny, and makes better music. Moving on...

Best Male Pop Performance:

John Legend- "This Time"

Maxwell- "Love You"

Jason Mraz- "Make it Mine"

Seal- "If You Don't Know Me By Now"

Stevie Wonder- "All About The Love Again"

The only one of these that I know by looking at the song title is the Seal one, because Simply Red covered it in the 80s (it was originally done by Harold Melvin & The Bluenotes, I believe). I predict John Legend wins this because he comes acrosss as a very likable personality, safe, yet highly intelligent, a good pianist, etc. Stevie Wonder came out with new music, and I'm just learning that now. That is a sad comment on how far he has fallen in the world of relevancy and talent. The best pop artist of the 70s is NOWHERE today.

Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group with vocals

The Black Eyed Peas- "I Gotta Feeling"

Bon Jovi- "We Weren't Born to Follow"

The Fray- "Never Say Never"

Daryl Hall & John Oates- "Sara Smile"

MGMT- "Kids"

Check out the Bon Jovi song title. Fuck you, Jon and Richie. You are such trailblazing leaders, aren't you?

Hall & Oates singing "Sara Smile"? WUT? Am I 2 years old? Apparently, this is a live performance so good that it got them a nominated in 2009. I love Hall & Oates, but find this nomination incredibly insulting to anyone who actually made music this year.

How can I not run with "Kids" by MGMT? The thing is: is Grammy voters see the video with the terrified toddler, they don't have a chance.

Oh yeah, I think I've come to the conclusion that the Black Eyed Peas are the perfect band for our era, because of how much they suck. They are the musical equivalent of reality TV.

Of course, the Peas will win this Grammy.

Best Pop Collaboration with Vocals

Rosanne Cash & Bruce Springsteen- "Sea of Heartbreak"

Ciara & Justin Timberlake- "Love Sex Magic"

Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat- "Lucky"

Willie Nelson & Norah Jones- "Baby, It's Cold Outside"

Taylor Swift & Colbie Caillat- "Breathe"

I refuse to go listen to any of these, so I'm going with my gut instinct: Willie & Norah win this.

Best Pop Instrumental Performance

Herb Albert- "Besame Mucho"

Bela Fleck- "Throw Down Your Heart"

Imogen Heap- "The Fire"

Maxwell- "Phoenix Rise"

Marcus Miller- "Funk Joint"

Wayyyy out of my area of expertise...even moreso than all the other categories I've b.s.'d my way through so far. I say Fleck wins?

Best Pop Instrumental Album

Chris Botti- "In Boston"

Hiroshima- "Legacy"

Booker T. Jones- "Potato Hole"

The Rippingtons feat. Russ Freeman- "Modern Art"

Spyro Gyra- "Down the Wire"

"Russ Freeman"???? What kind of name is that for someone who plays pop music that hath not vocals? He sounds like an attorney.

Spyro Gyra are taking this one, and taking it HARD. (without vocalizing)

Best Pop Vocal Album (for albums containing 51% or more playing time of VOCAL tracks.)

The Black Eyed Peas- The E.N.D.

Colbie Caillat- Breakthrough

Kelly Clarkson- All I Ever Wanted

The Fray- The Fray

Pink- Funhouse

These categories and their criteria are completely ridiculous. 51%? I want to meet the person who listens and computes the equations. Better yet, I WANT TO ACTUALLY DO IT. Grammys, are you hiring?

How did Kelly Clarkson grab a nomination here when she wasn't up for Best Female Pop Performance? Is it because she is fat? Clearly that can't be it. Stevie Wonder got a nomination, and he has ballooned to a ridiculous degree. He also hasn't contributed anything of value to the world since "Part Time Lover" in '86, but I digress again...

Pink stole her album name from the seminal classic album by The Stooges which most definitely did not get Grammy consideration in 1970. Thief!

I don't want to know what "The E.N.D." acronym is all about, but they will win this, and hopefully the actual end of their stranglehold on the pop charts will come sooner rather than later.

Cruel and Inhumane

Animal Cruelty is just about the most vile thing happening in the world today.

I'm not sure Sarah McLaughlin's sleep inducing music is doing these animals any good.

You want a 90s era Lilith Fair spokeswoman for the cause? Anyone is better.

Fiona Apple.
Alanis Morrisette.
Tori Amos.
Natalie Merchant.
Meredith Brooks.
Allanah Miles.
Merrill Baimbridge.
Ani Difranco?

Even Enya, but, for the love of Dog, get the miserable bland soundtrack of Sarah McLaughlin. It makes me too tired to do anything but either sleep, stare out the window for 40 minutes, or kick in the speaker.

Just a thought.

On behalf of my fellow animals,

Adam

52nd Annual Grammy nominees and analysis

Category 1 & 2

RECORD OF THE YEAR:

Beyonce- "Halo"
The Black Eyed Peas- "I Gotta Feeling"
Kings of Leon- "Use Somebody"
Lady Gaga- "Poker Face"
Taylor Swift- "You Belong To Me"

(Ad: "Halo" is a run o' the mill song about a dead person. Beyonce sings this in much the same way she would sing any song, the production is standard cello, strings, clapping percussion...in other words, it's fine, but Record of the Year? No. Yawn. I want to cry when I hear songs about death.

"I Gotta Feeling" is an instant contender for dumbest song to ever chart. Sure, it's got some Yiddish in the mix to make the record company happy (Adam's note: as a half-Jew, I can type that), and it's an upbeat good time, but everything about these fucking poseurs rings hollow...this is hip hop designed to make your grandmother happy: it is all commercialized to the point of being used in COMMERCIALS. Fuck Will.I.Am and Fergie in their skulls, and then, just maybe, they will make music again instead of money and garbage and urine in their pants and commercials. I know it was #1 forever, but if this wins any awards, it's a travesty.

"Use Somebody" is not the scorcher that "Sex on Fire" is/was, but it's the perfect example of rock with a slight edge, yet totally poppy. I like the background vocals, the lead vocals, the feel, etc. They are sort of like this generation's Survivor/Toto/Kansas/Journey, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Record of the Year? No.

"Poker Face" at least feels like the recording that goes in the 2009 Time Capsule. I don't completely get the Lady Gaga thing, but I don't get violently ill when her music plays, nor do I get the urge to shake my bony ass to her faux-Madonna tunes. I'm somewhere in the middle, sort of like she is when it comes to picking her gender (obligatory Lady Gaga is a tranny/hermy joke)

"You Belong To Me" is going to take this one. Not based on any breakthrough in songwriting, production, etc. (If that was what this was about, these nomination lists would actually be much better/interesting/entertaining/educational for all of us). She's CUNTry, a little pop, people in the Confederate states like her, she's talented, she's nice, she's pretty without selling herself like a whore, she's safe, she's here to stay. WINNER.

My pick?- Grizzly Bear "Two Weeks", one of those songs that instantly grabs you with its simple piano riff, Sinatra-esque verses, cheesy harmonies, dreamy chorus. I don't like anything else this band has done, but this song delivers the goods in a HYOOGE way. Creepy video though.



ALBUM OF THE YEAR:

Beyonce- I am... Sasha Fierce
The Black Eyed Peas- The E.N.D.
Lady Gaga- The Fame
Dave Matthews Band- Big Whiskey and the Groogrux King
Taylor Swift- Fearless

Beyonce's "Garth Brooks in the role of Chris Gaines" experiment never made any sense, because Sasha Fierce was a strong, independent sexpot, which is THE EXACT SAME IMAGE Beyonce has marketed for the full 10 years of her career. It's not an album, it's a pop album where you get 3 or 4 singles and filler.

The Black Eyed Peas must stop.

I'm skipping LG for a minute...

DAVE MATTHEWS??? Hands up, who bought this? In all seriousness, this was his most acclaimed album to date, but the only reason he got the nomination is because the Grammy voters recognized his name and wrote him in. Lifetime achievement nomination, no chance of winning, even though, his album may be the best of this bunch. This just in: 1995 called, it wants its Dave Matthews back.

It comes down to Gaga and Swift. I think the Lady may take this one. Let me clarify, LADY GAGA. Taylor Swift is not now, nor has ever been rumored to be a transexual and/or hermaphrodite.

My pick: Dinosaur Jr.- Farm

SONG OF THE YEAR:

Lady Gaga and RedOne- "Poker Face" (Lady Gaga-artist)
Hod David & Musze- "Pretty Wings" (Maxwell-artist)
Thaddis Harrell, Beyoncé Knowles, Terius Nash & Christopher Stewart- "Single
Ladies (Put a Ring On It)" (Beyonce-artist)
Caleb Followill, Jared Followill, Matthew Followill & Nathan Followill- "Use
Somebody" (Kings of Leon-artist)
Liz Rose & Taylor Swift- "You Belong With Me" (Taylor Swift-artist)

Beyonce's "Single Ladies" absolutely MUST win this. In other words, it won't. Another win for Swift-y. Kanye, put your seatbelt on.

My pick: I don't really know at this point. Bat for Lashes "Daniel"? That Taco Bell song?

BEST NEW ARTIST:

Zac Brown Band
Keri Hilson
MGMT
Silversun Pickups
The Ting Tings

I don't know most of these.

MGMT stands WAYYYY out, not because I'm trying to be rebellious, but because, I swear to you, they are 100% commercial, they made a debut album filled with songs that I know you would love, etc. I'm happy that they got the love here in terms of nominations, and I hope it gets them a bigger audience than I've been able to get them. But let me check out the others:

Zac Brown Band is a CUNTRY shitkicker band that sounds like a zillion others.

Keri Hilson looks like 1994 Toni Braxton, which at least appeals to my crotchal region. She works with Kanye, pop producer extraordinaire. She's alright, but nothing new.

Silversun Pickups are an "alternative" band, which means they are a mainstream modern rock band. They are actually pretty friggin decent.

The Ting Tings have a song called "That's Not My Name" that I thought was actually "My Boobs are OK" when I first listened to it. They have a hot blonde singer, and they seem like they'd do anything to be famous. The Grammys may reward this. They may be able to Black Eyed Pea themselves into our culture like cancer and swine flu have.

MGMT, in a brief summary: 2 weirdos hang out in college, make music that is totally 70s/80s influenced, but they have enough drug fueled brilliance to supercede their influences on most occasions. In one song, "Time to Pretend", in four and a half perfect minutes, they sum up every rockstar cliche in the book and use it as a career plan. That song alone should have made them superstars. Throw in the neo-Bee Gees rip "Electric Feel", the dancefest "Kids", and the Bowie/Jagger mini-epic "Weekend Wars", and you've got pure satisfaction.

MGMT should win all the Grammys, clearly. Every category.

We'll take a look at the other categories in future posts (unless boredom and attention span issues prevent that).

GO LISTEN TO MGMT, hausfraus, cougars, teens, young rockers, etc.

(Adam's note: I only started linking to stuff at the end...you can go find the stuff yourself online to sample/buy/start arguing with me)

A bad year for the Gagne family

First, Verne Gagne, one of the first major pro wrestling stars on television in the 50s and 60s, got into a fight at a nursing home which led to the death of a fellow resident. (Gagne is suffering from dementia, so the legal process is complicated)

Now, it turns out that Verne's granddaughter, while working in a high school, had a sexual relationship with a 16 year old boy.

Yowsah. That's a hell of a 2009 for that family.