I don't want to know her real name.
She is Towel Girl.
She appears to be of Hispanic origin.
She mops, she sweeps, she refills the towel bins at the gym. She is Towel Girl.
I am surrounded by women of different ages, shapes and sizes who are in much better physical condition at the gym, but none of them can come close to being as naturally beautiful as Towel Girl.
I said hello to her today, and with an accent and a glance, she said "How arrrrrrrrrrrre you?"
How does one answer a question so loaded like that?
I'm not saying that she's the most beautiful girl in the world, but in the world of gym: she's numero uno.
Her face is almost too much to look at. I saw about 966 Naptown sailors ready to take to the seas after looking at Towel Girl.
Ok, she probably doesn't deserve this much attention. No one does. But she gets it today.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
THOMPSON TWINS- THOMPSON TWINS: GREATEST HITS
Growing up in the 80s was not as easy as everyone makes it sound. We were raised via TV/MTV, and had to struggle early on with 2 confusing issues:
1. There were 2 shows (Diff'rent Strokes, Webster) where rich white people adopted underdeveloped black kids, yet, in the real world, this NEVER happened. (Ma'am and George were a pipe dream. Ma'am was a total bitch too, but I vaguley remember wanting to nail her....but I digress...)
2. The Thompson Twins, were not actually Twins, were not named Thompson, and there were three of them that looked nothing alike. There was a early 80 new wave girl, the typical Britpop dude, and a black dude with dreadlocks.
Nonetheless, as poppy new wave went, the Twins were pretty good.
In The Name Of Love- This was a minor hit back in the 1983 era of "Adam just got MTV, and watches it all night". It's fine. Nothing special. You'll dance, you'll like it. I stopped dancing in 1998.
Lies- This is prototypical Thompson Twins. "Cleopatra died for Egypt/what a waste of time" is my new favorite lyric, and I'm not going to explain why. I love the sound of synths, drum machines, Asian flourishes, and the chorus is simple and fun~~
We Are Detective- This sounds like a coked out paranoid showtune. It should annoy me, but it's got a charm.
If You Were Here- Growing up in the 80s with a sister 3 years older than me meant repeated viewings of Sixteen Candles. You see, when we were kids, we had these things called VCRs, and we could record movies that came on HBO and then watch them over and over. My sister loved Jake Ryan. This song played at the big ending of the movie. It's a classic slice of John Hughes nuevo wavo lovey dovey stuff. I think I ended up going to private school for fear of turning into Farmer Ted at Severna Park High School.
Love on Your Side- This is another winner, although it's not really anything different than In the Name of Love.
Hold Me Now- This is their masterpiece. A ballad that drives all the pretentious Rush fans crazy in its beautiful simplicity. If you don't like this one, you hate freedom. Period.
Doctor! Doctor!- Did I dream this, or didn't they sell this to Dr. Pepper? Another hit. Good.
You Take Me Up- What the fuck? I had no idea that they had this showtune side to them....did they write some sort of rock opera? I don't care for this, and I'm halfway done, so I'm going to quite while I'm ahead and come back for pt. 2 later...
1. There were 2 shows (Diff'rent Strokes, Webster) where rich white people adopted underdeveloped black kids, yet, in the real world, this NEVER happened. (Ma'am and George were a pipe dream. Ma'am was a total bitch too, but I vaguley remember wanting to nail her....but I digress...)
2. The Thompson Twins, were not actually Twins, were not named Thompson, and there were three of them that looked nothing alike. There was a early 80 new wave girl, the typical Britpop dude, and a black dude with dreadlocks.
Nonetheless, as poppy new wave went, the Twins were pretty good.
In The Name Of Love- This was a minor hit back in the 1983 era of "Adam just got MTV, and watches it all night". It's fine. Nothing special. You'll dance, you'll like it. I stopped dancing in 1998.
Lies- This is prototypical Thompson Twins. "Cleopatra died for Egypt/what a waste of time" is my new favorite lyric, and I'm not going to explain why. I love the sound of synths, drum machines, Asian flourishes, and the chorus is simple and fun~~
We Are Detective- This sounds like a coked out paranoid showtune. It should annoy me, but it's got a charm.
If You Were Here- Growing up in the 80s with a sister 3 years older than me meant repeated viewings of Sixteen Candles. You see, when we were kids, we had these things called VCRs, and we could record movies that came on HBO and then watch them over and over. My sister loved Jake Ryan. This song played at the big ending of the movie. It's a classic slice of John Hughes nuevo wavo lovey dovey stuff. I think I ended up going to private school for fear of turning into Farmer Ted at Severna Park High School.
Love on Your Side- This is another winner, although it's not really anything different than In the Name of Love.
Hold Me Now- This is their masterpiece. A ballad that drives all the pretentious Rush fans crazy in its beautiful simplicity. If you don't like this one, you hate freedom. Period.
Doctor! Doctor!- Did I dream this, or didn't they sell this to Dr. Pepper? Another hit. Good.
You Take Me Up- What the fuck? I had no idea that they had this showtune side to them....did they write some sort of rock opera? I don't care for this, and I'm halfway done, so I'm going to quite while I'm ahead and come back for pt. 2 later...
ADAMMIES 2008
PERSON OF THE YEAR: BARACK OBAMA duh. For the first time in my life, America has seemingly elected a president with the intellectual capacity and honesty to actually fit the job requirements. I just hope all those people don't turn out to be right about him being a Muslim America Hating Terrorist. Ok, that was sort of a joke. But seriously, that whole argument just shows how cynical we all have become after years of getting thrown bullshit. Bad news: Obama is coming into a very damaged America. His election alone has helped fix some of the severe damage done to our reputation across the globe, which, despite what Fox News may tell you, is essential.
WTF LOW POINTS: 1. Sarah Palin for VP 2. Joe the Plumber 3. Caroline Kennedy should get the NY Senate seat
BEST MOVIE: So far...I'm going with Frost/Nixon
BEST ACTING COMEBACK: Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler
WEIRDIST FORM OF MUTUAL SEXUAL REJECTION EVER: Her: "What are you doing?" Me: "Getting a condom" Her: "But I want us to have a baby" Me: "We're not even dating right now..." Her: "Well, I don't want to have sex with you if you don't want to have a baby". Scene.
THINGS THAT DIED THIS YEAR: Television. The Economy. Any chances that the whole "history will reflect well on the Bush Administration" will work itself out anywhere outside of a few circles where people will blame the media for everything. Eartha Kitt.
NEW BODY JEWELRY: I had 3 metal rods (hooks?) attached to my pubic bone in a minimally invasive hernia operation...and didn't set off any metal detectors at the airport.
YEAR OF: YEAR OF CHANGE
WTF LOW POINTS: 1. Sarah Palin for VP 2. Joe the Plumber 3. Caroline Kennedy should get the NY Senate seat
BEST MOVIE: So far...I'm going with Frost/Nixon
BEST ACTING COMEBACK: Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler
WEIRDIST FORM OF MUTUAL SEXUAL REJECTION EVER: Her: "What are you doing?" Me: "Getting a condom" Her: "But I want us to have a baby" Me: "We're not even dating right now..." Her: "Well, I don't want to have sex with you if you don't want to have a baby". Scene.
THINGS THAT DIED THIS YEAR: Television. The Economy. Any chances that the whole "history will reflect well on the Bush Administration" will work itself out anywhere outside of a few circles where people will blame the media for everything. Eartha Kitt.
NEW BODY JEWELRY: I had 3 metal rods (hooks?) attached to my pubic bone in a minimally invasive hernia operation...and didn't set off any metal detectors at the airport.
YEAR OF: YEAR OF CHANGE
Saturday, December 13, 2008
CHRIS BELL- I AM THE COSMOS (1992)
AdamAnnapolis history lesson: Chris Bell and Alex Chilton were songwriting partners in the incredible band Big Star for their first album, #1 Record, but Bell left when the album didn't sell diddlysquat in the early 70s. Bell battled serious issues with depression, suicide attempts, drug and alcohol abuse, and the horrible pressure of being a gay man in the 1970s...which was no doubt the source of much of his inner turmoil. He died in a car accident in 1978, but he continued recording his compositions in Memphis over the years, and they are gathered here.
I love Big Star, and I always was more of a Chilton fan, but this album taught me just how incredible Bell was. You feel his pain, you can hear it in his voice, his gift for acoustic beautiful tunes, as well as angry rockers.....the man was gifted.
There are 2 songs that stand out of the pack, but trust me, there are no dull tunes here:
The title cut is a soaring song that delivers an incredible emotional wallop in the right setting and mood. It might be the best thing to come out of the entire Big Star connected canon.
"You and Your Sister" is a heartbreaking acoustic ballad, featuring Chilton on backing vocals. Bell's voice breaks everytime he sings "all I want to do is to spend some time with you so I can hold you", which makes what would otherwise be a nothing special lyric especially potent. Just so beautiful.
Download both of these tunes YESTERDAY. Give them a few listens. Bell's voice may take some getting used to, but once you do, you get 2 bona fide all time classics. For under 2 dollars, by the way.
Bell wrote quite a few religious songs, a la "Better Save Yourself" and "Look Up", but rather than get all preachy....he is almost pissed off and annoyed at the rest of us for not finding salvation.
"Speed of Sound" would have fit right in with the depressed barbituate pop of Big Star's Third/Sister Lovers. Lovely song.
The rocker "Get Away" has some of the greatest insane drum rolls in it, and it basically gets repeated in different form as "I Don't Know" (This was never really meant to be released as a completed work, so there's overlap, and some different takes of the big 2, which aren't all that different).
There simply isn't a dull moment on here: the rockers are all killer, the ballads are all genuine. This isn't happy music: This is the work of a very hurt man. A very talented songwriter who shoulda coulda been a Big Star. The fact that he wasn't sort of adds to the tragedy, but hell, music IS biography here. If you like it real, you need this.
I love Big Star, and I always was more of a Chilton fan, but this album taught me just how incredible Bell was. You feel his pain, you can hear it in his voice, his gift for acoustic beautiful tunes, as well as angry rockers.....the man was gifted.
There are 2 songs that stand out of the pack, but trust me, there are no dull tunes here:
The title cut is a soaring song that delivers an incredible emotional wallop in the right setting and mood. It might be the best thing to come out of the entire Big Star connected canon.
"You and Your Sister" is a heartbreaking acoustic ballad, featuring Chilton on backing vocals. Bell's voice breaks everytime he sings "all I want to do is to spend some time with you so I can hold you", which makes what would otherwise be a nothing special lyric especially potent. Just so beautiful.
Download both of these tunes YESTERDAY. Give them a few listens. Bell's voice may take some getting used to, but once you do, you get 2 bona fide all time classics. For under 2 dollars, by the way.
Bell wrote quite a few religious songs, a la "Better Save Yourself" and "Look Up", but rather than get all preachy....he is almost pissed off and annoyed at the rest of us for not finding salvation.
"Speed of Sound" would have fit right in with the depressed barbituate pop of Big Star's Third/Sister Lovers. Lovely song.
The rocker "Get Away" has some of the greatest insane drum rolls in it, and it basically gets repeated in different form as "I Don't Know" (This was never really meant to be released as a completed work, so there's overlap, and some different takes of the big 2, which aren't all that different).
There simply isn't a dull moment on here: the rockers are all killer, the ballads are all genuine. This isn't happy music: This is the work of a very hurt man. A very talented songwriter who shoulda coulda been a Big Star. The fact that he wasn't sort of adds to the tragedy, but hell, music IS biography here. If you like it real, you need this.
*****
ALICE COOPER- ALICE COOPER'S GREATEST HITS
Being the rock snob that I am, I tend to not suggest that any best ofs of this kind really count as actual albums and/or essential to any collection. The truth is: Greatest Hits are good for the casual fan who just wants to hear all the hits, so they know what they want without my input/infinite wisdom.
Fuck all that in this case.
Chances are: You have no idea just how great this collection really is. I know I didn't. I knew Alice was a shock rocker, but I also knew that he was chummy with Bob Hope and played golf and was therefore not an actual psycho, which made me think his music must therefore be b.s.
The thing about this music is: it rocks, it's not at all "look at me, I'm scary makeup guy", and its 12 melodic tunes that you will LOVE and listen to over and over.
Trust me.
It's easily digestable, you'll listen to it over and over.
You need nothing else from Alice Cooper, but you need this mid 70s collection...don't get one with his 80s metal ballad crap....this is the one.
ESSENTIAL FOR ALL.
Fuck all that in this case.
Chances are: You have no idea just how great this collection really is. I know I didn't. I knew Alice was a shock rocker, but I also knew that he was chummy with Bob Hope and played golf and was therefore not an actual psycho, which made me think his music must therefore be b.s.
The thing about this music is: it rocks, it's not at all "look at me, I'm scary makeup guy", and its 12 melodic tunes that you will LOVE and listen to over and over.
Trust me.
It's easily digestable, you'll listen to it over and over.
You need nothing else from Alice Cooper, but you need this mid 70s collection...don't get one with his 80s metal ballad crap....this is the one.
ESSENTIAL FOR ALL.
*****
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
NEW SLANG FOR 2009
-PEDIA
For example:
"You're such a friggin' prick, I read all about you on prickipedia"
For example:
"You're such a friggin' prick, I read all about you on prickipedia"
Saturday, December 06, 2008
AIR SUPPLY- ULTIMATE AIR SUPPLY
Yeah, screw that "Greatest Hits" or "Best of" nonsense, we need the ULTIMATE collection of Air Supply songs. I've got my album on my record player going 33 1/3rd, I've got my blandly pretty blonde chick from 1981 who is the love my life a la the K-Tel Soft Rock Collection commerical, I've got my fireplace, I'm ready to RAWK~!!
Lost in Love- Graham Russell and Russell Hitchcock trade lead vocals, and it's all very soft and relaxing...like a twinkie in your earhole....ahhhh....rainbows, relaxation, Calgon has taken us away....
All Out of Love- I pride myself on being a walking musical encyclopedia, and I know all these songs, but I can't tell one from the other. To me, they are all called "Here I Am" or "The One That I/You Love". I don't think these guys get enough credit for writing THE SAME CHEESY LYRICS IN EVERY SONG. It's consistant, if nothing else (and it actually is nothing else). "I'm all out of love, What am I without you?" This is no better or worse than song one, so I'm putting another log on the fire, and I'm going to tell my woman how she defines me from the inside out as I pour her another glass of pinot grigio (which is french for "American penis", but it is actually made from grapes)....and we smile, so lost in love, that we are in no way, shape, or form "all out of"
Chances- Ok, this one I don't know, I'm sure it'll be completely different than the ones that I do know....(ha!) She takes another sip, a tear forms in her eye, she tells me how it's times like these that define our relationship, and help make the cold weather tolerable, my company is like Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate.....We hug and cry together....the song keeps playing, mostly as a backdrop to true romance and love....
Every Woman in the World- Ok, maybe it's the wine, or the fire, or the lady of my life, but I'm inspired.....I look her in the eye, and lipsynch every word, with gusto (but only some I can trust, yo -- Public Enemy lyric reference, there)....She laughs....and I notice a fiesty glimmer in her eye that means we are soon to make sweet slow love all night long to this soundtrack of lite music (so "lite", in fact, that "light" with the "gh" is too hard to actually describe it)...she's my fantasy. she's my reality.
The One That You Love- I swear, we just heard this song, No wait, this is the one I like a tiny bit more than the previous ones....holy crap, my girl must be totally seduced....her Purtianical Sweater of Innocence has just come off....and she is wearing the Black Low Cut Push Up Bra of Adam's Demise as a Functioning Human Being.....and she knows what she is doing.....she is smirking, and then gets in some bizarro seductive pose....The middle part of this song crescendos, in harmony with the bulge in my chinos. I love this woman. She goes from Sweet to Sour in a heartbeat, which is a rarity. This song, and all preceding it, are all so sweet, I need insulin. These songs are so sweet, they might be made by Swisher. These songs are so sweet, I'm getting cavities (in my teeth, and soon on my shag carpet).
I Want to Give It All- the first line is "Here I am again, I've come to see you smile"....Time out honey, this song sucks....I'm skipping ahead
Here I Am (Just When I Thought I Was Over You)- Ok, wait a second honey....I need to address something before I get to you and your sex pose....The chorus of the song before last went: "Here I am, the one that you love asking for another day". The first line of the last song was "Here I am again, I've come to see you smile" yet THIS is THE one called "Here I Am"?? I just lost my bulge in confusion over this. I'm sorry. My mind is on work right now. This song is not bad though...and you look so beautiful... I'm sorry for getting upset....ahhh...that's it sweetie, rub my shoulders~~your touch is like rain from the heavens, if rain were your hands and the heavens were my body. I want to make slow gentle love to you all night, and feel every second of it, and never forget it....
Sweet Dreams- Wait a minute, this one sounds kind of scary at first....like Tubular Bells-scary....ahhhh, sweet release, it quickly descends into completely predictable cheeseball big choruses and slow to midtempo lameness....."Close your eyes, I want to ride the skies in my sweet dreams"....and by "the skies", I mean "you". Take off your pants. Wait, wait, wait. This song keeps trying to get to Styxian Epic Soft Rock levels....horribly distracting....Ooohh, bad girl....the little pink g-string! I love you.
Even The Nights Are Better- Honey, before this goes any further, I need to talk to you honestly about something. I love you, I love spending time with you, I love making love with you/to you, I love the way you look, I love the fireplace, etc....but I have to confess: I have this evil feeling lurking inside me, and it makes me want to do really bad things....and I think its because of this music. It's so wholesome and samey samey and boring, that it makes me want to sin....I know you like this band, but this is a relationship, but I felt like I needed to share. I think I actually HATE Air Supply. And this album is only halfway finished. I'm sharing my feelings, just like Air Supply would want me to, and right now, I have an urge to be really wrong...
(After hitting pause, and going for a long walk to gather myself, I return, to find my woman still drinking the Pinot....and looking GOOD. So, I hit play and try to get back in the mood)
Two Less Lonely People in the World- Wow, this is horrible. Seriously, honey, you can listen to this? This is supposed to be romantic, but it just makes me want to go to sleep and/or start destroying passersby on a crowded street. Cheesy, and not in the "let's get it on" way I want. It's hokey, artificial, and I don't know if we're communicating. I'm sorry babe....Maybe we need to spice it up? Roleplay? Candleplay? ____play? (You fill in the blank, anything but "Air Supply")
Don't Be Afraid- Oh my, dear. These guys are harmonizing a virtual harmony of douche. That walk didn't help....if this is in chronological order, I believe we've hit the phase in their career where Air Supply started sucking, blowing, wheezing, gasping and biting. This is so bad.
(Skip)
Young Love- Go put your clothes on. I've lost all feeling for you, life, music, my ears, etc. Go upstairs. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but come on, this is TRASH.
Making Love Out Of Nothing At All- Ahhh!! I know this one...I feel bad for dismissing my girl so abruptly now....I catch her on the stairs....we embrace....we kiss....we are making love to bad music, if anything at all. This song by the way, is a CARBON COPY of "Total Eclipse of the Heart", which is funny, because I think the same guy wrote both of them. When I was young, I took the title to mean "making love" as in "doing it", as in "the shush". In fact this song is about making it work with someone with really bad taste, like you my dear, who I now blame for poisoning my system with this music. You've got a lot to learn.
Just As I Am- Wow, nothing is worse sounding than electric guitar on soft schlocky pop. I think I want to cheat on you with a girl who listens to Slayer.
The Power of Love (You Are My Lady)- You're upset. You should be. This is not about you, or me, it's about basic human decency. Hey, didn't Celine Dion have a hit with this piece of crap in the 90s? Why would anyone hear this song and think, "I want to do my own version, that will suck just as much horsie penis?" Because, clearly, that is what Celine thought, and then she did it. Or maybe it was her grandfather/Svengali/puppetmaster husband who thought this. But what do I know? It worked and she had a hit. I think Laura Brannigan did a version in the 80s too, but I don't really care to look that up. Life is too short. Wait, you're moving out? Have I said too much?
Without You- Wow, they covered Nilsson's big hit. Again, so predictable. I don't even care if my actual air supply is cut off at this point...seriously, my respiratory functioning is minor....just make this music stop happening. Now. Take the CD with you. Take the CD player. Take my lungs, I just don't care.
Goodbye- I never actually loved you. Leave now.
Someone- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Lost in Love- Graham Russell and Russell Hitchcock trade lead vocals, and it's all very soft and relaxing...like a twinkie in your earhole....ahhhh....rainbows, relaxation, Calgon has taken us away....
All Out of Love- I pride myself on being a walking musical encyclopedia, and I know all these songs, but I can't tell one from the other. To me, they are all called "Here I Am" or "The One That I/You Love". I don't think these guys get enough credit for writing THE SAME CHEESY LYRICS IN EVERY SONG. It's consistant, if nothing else (and it actually is nothing else). "I'm all out of love, What am I without you?" This is no better or worse than song one, so I'm putting another log on the fire, and I'm going to tell my woman how she defines me from the inside out as I pour her another glass of pinot grigio (which is french for "American penis", but it is actually made from grapes)....and we smile, so lost in love, that we are in no way, shape, or form "all out of"
Chances- Ok, this one I don't know, I'm sure it'll be completely different than the ones that I do know....(ha!) She takes another sip, a tear forms in her eye, she tells me how it's times like these that define our relationship, and help make the cold weather tolerable, my company is like Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate.....We hug and cry together....the song keeps playing, mostly as a backdrop to true romance and love....
Every Woman in the World- Ok, maybe it's the wine, or the fire, or the lady of my life, but I'm inspired.....I look her in the eye, and lipsynch every word, with gusto (but only some I can trust, yo -- Public Enemy lyric reference, there)....She laughs....and I notice a fiesty glimmer in her eye that means we are soon to make sweet slow love all night long to this soundtrack of lite music (so "lite", in fact, that "light" with the "gh" is too hard to actually describe it)...she's my fantasy. she's my reality.
The One That You Love- I swear, we just heard this song, No wait, this is the one I like a tiny bit more than the previous ones....holy crap, my girl must be totally seduced....her Purtianical Sweater of Innocence has just come off....and she is wearing the Black Low Cut Push Up Bra of Adam's Demise as a Functioning Human Being.....and she knows what she is doing.....she is smirking, and then gets in some bizarro seductive pose....The middle part of this song crescendos, in harmony with the bulge in my chinos. I love this woman. She goes from Sweet to Sour in a heartbeat, which is a rarity. This song, and all preceding it, are all so sweet, I need insulin. These songs are so sweet, they might be made by Swisher. These songs are so sweet, I'm getting cavities (in my teeth, and soon on my shag carpet).
I Want to Give It All- the first line is "Here I am again, I've come to see you smile"....Time out honey, this song sucks....I'm skipping ahead
Here I Am (Just When I Thought I Was Over You)- Ok, wait a second honey....I need to address something before I get to you and your sex pose....The chorus of the song before last went: "Here I am, the one that you love asking for another day". The first line of the last song was "Here I am again, I've come to see you smile" yet THIS is THE one called "Here I Am"?? I just lost my bulge in confusion over this. I'm sorry. My mind is on work right now. This song is not bad though...and you look so beautiful... I'm sorry for getting upset....ahhh...that's it sweetie, rub my shoulders~~your touch is like rain from the heavens, if rain were your hands and the heavens were my body. I want to make slow gentle love to you all night, and feel every second of it, and never forget it....
Sweet Dreams- Wait a minute, this one sounds kind of scary at first....like Tubular Bells-scary....ahhhh, sweet release, it quickly descends into completely predictable cheeseball big choruses and slow to midtempo lameness....."Close your eyes, I want to ride the skies in my sweet dreams"....and by "the skies", I mean "you". Take off your pants. Wait, wait, wait. This song keeps trying to get to Styxian Epic Soft Rock levels....horribly distracting....Ooohh, bad girl....the little pink g-string! I love you.
Even The Nights Are Better- Honey, before this goes any further, I need to talk to you honestly about something. I love you, I love spending time with you, I love making love with you/to you, I love the way you look, I love the fireplace, etc....but I have to confess: I have this evil feeling lurking inside me, and it makes me want to do really bad things....and I think its because of this music. It's so wholesome and samey samey and boring, that it makes me want to sin....I know you like this band, but this is a relationship, but I felt like I needed to share. I think I actually HATE Air Supply. And this album is only halfway finished. I'm sharing my feelings, just like Air Supply would want me to, and right now, I have an urge to be really wrong...
(After hitting pause, and going for a long walk to gather myself, I return, to find my woman still drinking the Pinot....and looking GOOD. So, I hit play and try to get back in the mood)
Two Less Lonely People in the World- Wow, this is horrible. Seriously, honey, you can listen to this? This is supposed to be romantic, but it just makes me want to go to sleep and/or start destroying passersby on a crowded street. Cheesy, and not in the "let's get it on" way I want. It's hokey, artificial, and I don't know if we're communicating. I'm sorry babe....Maybe we need to spice it up? Roleplay? Candleplay? ____play? (You fill in the blank, anything but "Air Supply")
Don't Be Afraid- Oh my, dear. These guys are harmonizing a virtual harmony of douche. That walk didn't help....if this is in chronological order, I believe we've hit the phase in their career where Air Supply started sucking, blowing, wheezing, gasping and biting. This is so bad.
(Skip)
Young Love- Go put your clothes on. I've lost all feeling for you, life, music, my ears, etc. Go upstairs. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but come on, this is TRASH.
Making Love Out Of Nothing At All- Ahhh!! I know this one...I feel bad for dismissing my girl so abruptly now....I catch her on the stairs....we embrace....we kiss....we are making love to bad music, if anything at all. This song by the way, is a CARBON COPY of "Total Eclipse of the Heart", which is funny, because I think the same guy wrote both of them. When I was young, I took the title to mean "making love" as in "doing it", as in "the shush". In fact this song is about making it work with someone with really bad taste, like you my dear, who I now blame for poisoning my system with this music. You've got a lot to learn.
Just As I Am- Wow, nothing is worse sounding than electric guitar on soft schlocky pop. I think I want to cheat on you with a girl who listens to Slayer.
The Power of Love (You Are My Lady)- You're upset. You should be. This is not about you, or me, it's about basic human decency. Hey, didn't Celine Dion have a hit with this piece of crap in the 90s? Why would anyone hear this song and think, "I want to do my own version, that will suck just as much horsie penis?" Because, clearly, that is what Celine thought, and then she did it. Or maybe it was her grandfather/Svengali/puppetmaster husband who thought this. But what do I know? It worked and she had a hit. I think Laura Brannigan did a version in the 80s too, but I don't really care to look that up. Life is too short. Wait, you're moving out? Have I said too much?
Without You- Wow, they covered Nilsson's big hit. Again, so predictable. I don't even care if my actual air supply is cut off at this point...seriously, my respiratory functioning is minor....just make this music stop happening. Now. Take the CD with you. Take the CD player. Take my lungs, I just don't care.
Goodbye- I never actually loved you. Leave now.
Someone- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
0 stars
THE ADAMMIES- BEST SONGS OF 2008
20. Morrissey- All You Need is Me suprisingly rocks!
19. M83- Kim and Jessie 1983, anyone?
18. Jay Reatard- Flourescent Grey Nice Deerhunter cover tune
17. The Raconteurs- Salute Your Solution
16. Vampire Weekend- Oxford Comma
15. Coldplay- Viva La Vida You know its a good year when ever Coldplay can crank out good tunes
14. TV on the Radio- Golden Age
13. Hot Chip- Ready For The Floor Androgynous sounding leading vocals, great dance tune
12. Lil Wayne - A Milli This should be annoying, yet never is. He takes the title in every possible direction, he’s crazy, he’s brilliant.
11. Jay Reatard- Always Wanting More
10. MGMT- Metanoia 14 minutes totally trippy/insane Queen/White Stripes/heavy metal ballad…crazy
9. Kanye West- Love Lockdown a great pop-soul song
8. Manic Street Preachers- Umbrella ok, this song is great in any form, and rocking it makes it even better
7. Portishead- The Rip Ominous. Captures a constant misery so well
6. MGMT- Time to Pretend Trippy happy great stuff
5. Weezer- The Greatest Man That Ever Lived EPIC
4. Fleet Foxes- White Winter Hymnal the title totally describes it perfectly--short and sweet
3. Estelle ft. Kanye West- American Boy So soulful and sexy
2. Glasvegas- It’s My Own Cheating Heart That Makes Me Crazy
1. M.I.A.- Paper Planes While this was no doubt a much more exciting year musically than most have been this decade, this cut from last year's Kala album stands so far ahead of the pack, it looks ridiculous even ranking it as Number 1 on a list. The girl samples one of the Clash's best songs, and somehow IMPROVES on it. she sing/raps in this sexy accent repeating each verse line, and it's hard to tell if she's singing about rolling joints, blowing up buildings, or sarcastically threatening us as she lures us in.....then, for the chorus, unlike any piece of pop music ever, she utilizes sound effects to carry the tune..."All I wanna do is << (gunshots)boom boom boom>> and << (cash register ringing) ca-ching>> take your money". It's Wreckx-N-Effect's "Rump Shaker" meets John Cage, thanks to this third world creative genius, because, damnit, I still can't stop listening to it. The refrain at the end once she has you hooked is especially frightening "Some, some, some, some I murder, some I let go", because she has us, and she knows it. Some of her stuff is so weird that it's virtually unlistenable, but here, she has created one of THE GREAT SINGLES of all time. My poor writing can't do this justice, although I tried. I'm forever in love with this song. Definite contender for song of the decade.
19. M83- Kim and Jessie 1983, anyone?
18. Jay Reatard- Flourescent Grey Nice Deerhunter cover tune
17. The Raconteurs- Salute Your Solution
16. Vampire Weekend- Oxford Comma
15. Coldplay- Viva La Vida You know its a good year when ever Coldplay can crank out good tunes
14. TV on the Radio- Golden Age
13. Hot Chip- Ready For The Floor Androgynous sounding leading vocals, great dance tune
12. Lil Wayne - A Milli This should be annoying, yet never is. He takes the title in every possible direction, he’s crazy, he’s brilliant.
11. Jay Reatard- Always Wanting More
10. MGMT- Metanoia 14 minutes totally trippy/insane Queen/White Stripes/heavy metal ballad…crazy
9. Kanye West- Love Lockdown a great pop-soul song
8. Manic Street Preachers- Umbrella ok, this song is great in any form, and rocking it makes it even better
7. Portishead- The Rip Ominous. Captures a constant misery so well
6. MGMT- Time to Pretend Trippy happy great stuff
5. Weezer- The Greatest Man That Ever Lived EPIC
4. Fleet Foxes- White Winter Hymnal the title totally describes it perfectly--short and sweet
3. Estelle ft. Kanye West- American Boy So soulful and sexy
2. Glasvegas- It’s My Own Cheating Heart That Makes Me Crazy
1. M.I.A.- Paper Planes While this was no doubt a much more exciting year musically than most have been this decade, this cut from last year's Kala album stands so far ahead of the pack, it looks ridiculous even ranking it as Number 1 on a list. The girl samples one of the Clash's best songs, and somehow IMPROVES on it. she sing/raps in this sexy accent repeating each verse line, and it's hard to tell if she's singing about rolling joints, blowing up buildings, or sarcastically threatening us as she lures us in.....then, for the chorus, unlike any piece of pop music ever, she utilizes sound effects to carry the tune..."All I wanna do is << (gunshots)boom boom boom>> and << (cash register ringing) ca-ching>> take your money". It's Wreckx-N-Effect's "Rump Shaker" meets John Cage, thanks to this third world creative genius, because, damnit, I still can't stop listening to it. The refrain at the end once she has you hooked is especially frightening "Some, some, some, some I murder, some I let go", because she has us, and she knows it. Some of her stuff is so weird that it's virtually unlistenable, but here, she has created one of THE GREAT SINGLES of all time. My poor writing can't do this justice, although I tried. I'm forever in love with this song. Definite contender for song of the decade.
Monday, December 01, 2008
Which is proper ettiquette?
When I'm not forcing them to call me "sir" and things of that nature, I try to be a perfect gentleman with the ladies in public places.
My mother taught me early on that anytime I am walking with a woman, I should position myself to walk closest to the street on sidewalks, because, if soem crazy driver runs off the road, they would hit me first, and not the woman....
However, I was just informed when pulling this very move that the proper thing is for the man to walk on the other side, so that the lovely lass didn't get soaked from leaking air conditioning/heater units and similar projectile fluids that come out of businesses.
Which would you prefer, bitch?
Love,
Sir
My mother taught me early on that anytime I am walking with a woman, I should position myself to walk closest to the street on sidewalks, because, if soem crazy driver runs off the road, they would hit me first, and not the woman....
However, I was just informed when pulling this very move that the proper thing is for the man to walk on the other side, so that the lovely lass didn't get soaked from leaking air conditioning/heater units and similar projectile fluids that come out of businesses.
Which would you prefer, bitch?
Love,
Sir
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